Walking around with your zipper down

Have you ever felt like you're walking around with your zipper down? That's how I feel this week in Colorado. When my colleague and I arrived at the Avis pick-up lot yesterday, we walked to the assigned space and discovered my "standard" rental was a Hummer H3. It has essentially confirmed my preconceived notions about the vehicle, in that it is huge, unwieldy and uneconomical.

On the drive from Denver to Fort Collins, a little more than 80 miles, this beast sucked down a quarter tank of gas. I can't see over the hood, nor can I judge where the rear end is while backing up. The side windows are very small and very high, which means even I had difficulty reaching out to pay tolls on the expressway.

Not only is it inefficient, it really drives like a truck. I feel every bump in the road, but not the firm, BMW-like feeling. Instead, it's a very jarring ride. One of my associates even made a comment about needing a bladder belt instead of a seat belt.

The vehicle I rented is also fire-engine red, making it look like a huge Tonka toy truck. That makes it very flashy, which in turn makes me feel like everyone on the road is gawking at this lumbering eco-monster. Talk about conspicuous consumption--literally!

In case I ever lose my sanity, remind me never to buy one of these gas-guzzling behemoths!